Data Speaks for Itself

Recent studies have shown that the more lurid the magazine cover, the more apt college-aged jocks and those with whom they cavort would careen into registers, begging for forgiveness. 9 out of 10 dentists recommended that said jocks and those with whom they cavort be sentenced to the Sorbonne to study with philosopher Jean-Luc Marion, undergoing relentless questioning on the relationship between historic themes of mystical theology and present-day examples of religious out-of-body experiences in suburban Kansas. “They’ll never make it past one semester,” whispered one adjunct to another as a cold wind blew up his boxers, rendering his testicles the size of cashews.