Attention, Attention

Stand by for an announcement.
Will the following students please report to the principal’s office:
Lawrence Braden, Carla Hayden, Nathan Hayden-Braden,
Caiden Troyden Jaedenden,
Brothfraithe Templeton,
Etchwarth Icthiabroyden Fulchcrath McThiabathroyth Horse,
Windwarth Tunce-Fath Testiculoyth-Proyce aka “El Diablito,”
and Chuckie Devine.

Don’t make us wait.
Don’t make us caterwaul.
Don’t make us wail over this loudspeaker again,
Wail over this loudspeaker, again, that blare
We wince at the thought of it
Of course we’re partial to summoning you,
You’re ready to apologize, to acquiesce, or in some cases to argue
Those weak arguments, like “He made me do it,” and “It wasn’t me.”

But when you verge upon the principal’s office
You must understand that you’re entering the domain of the
Orb of Contentment.
Principal Dennis has created an empyreal Orb of Contentment
That hovers over the mimeograph machine exhibiting an impenetrable light.
It’s a light that would make the most truant of adolescents
Fall prostrate in slack-jawed supplication.
Principal Ronnie Dennis has created a shimmering portal to enlightenment,
And it’s time to make the local newspapers aware.
Get them on the phone. Get Jerry on the phone. Get Carla and Gary on the phone.
Get them on the phone.